Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
I'm about to be a GTA V widow, he could at least throw me a bone. Literally.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
I had my first "Damn Kids/When I Was That Age" rant at work today. We need to drink this feeling out of me. NOW.
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize