you were carrying around a glass of vodka telling everyone it was Russian water
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
just woke up with a trucker hat, half a grilled cheese, and popcorn spread everywhere. last night must have been good.
I just got out of a $280 speeding ticket by acting like The Big Lebowski. Seriously Jeff Bridges is the man.
Randomize
