If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
Kegstand on crutches, you need to get on my level.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I should become her mentor. Get her life back together for her
You mean sponsor?
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Try sleeping with him.
Why is it that all my gay friends have that solution...
Cuz you will have an answer or have sex.
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