How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I need to have sex with someone before he does. I need to win this break up!
Its a sad when the highlight of your day is flicking a booger and actually getting it to stick to your computer monitor.
the best part was when he threw his debit card on the table, looked at everyone and said "turn this into pizza!" It felt like a scene in a 'coming of age' teen comedy.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Were not alcoholics, were just impatient for fridays
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
Randomize
