Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
I have had it with that bitchy sack of crazy. Iam done!
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
Randomize
