It was kinda weird being the boss
Did you feel like Tony Danza?
there's a girl in the library on mysapce. she must have missed the memo.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
Packing up everything in the dorm. Silly bands to unused condom ratio is ridiculous.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
Randomize
