i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
That's fun. I just masturbated and I swear my vagina creaked.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
You said you couldn't use your body anymore so you made me push the buttons on your phone while you made alien sound effects
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
