Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
you announced to everyone at the bar "fuck girls. they're confusing. im gonna start having sex with boys now"
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
If you can find a Canadian Lesbian to have pity sex with me, let me know.
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
When you glanced over and and mouthed "I'll take the fat chick" I knew it was going to be an epic Sunday night.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
Randomize
