he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
i just ate a whole pizza and threw it back up in the time span of 13 minutes. give me the number to guiness book of world records.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Sounds like sex on a twister board.
An idea that is both hilarious and intriguing...
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Taking a shit in a Texas 7/11... not accepting phone calls now lol
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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