Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
i feel as if last night was a right of passage. to officially be an adult you must have a drunken one night stand with a co-worker and go to work the next day still drunk wearing yesterday's clothes...
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
To say the least, now you know you're a proper lady, passing a field sobriety test in heels...
I'm setting a 12:15 alarm for a taco bell run. Be awake or never wake up again.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
Too many penises have met your hands. Stop or die.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
At this point i guess a traditional, non-life-threatening pity fuck is too much to ask for
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
I could be doing way worse things besides texting him 'come over and bang my headache away'. i could be on meth
We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way
I love random hookups in covid sex. Usually girls think me about a one and a half to a two and a half but now that I got this mask on I'm a Solid 6.
Randomize
