I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
He's so vague sometimes. Like dude, we've been friends for 3 years. I don't need you to be vague, I need you to be inside of my vagina.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
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