guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
He only uses me for sexual pleasure. The sad part is I don't even feel like a slut. I just I feel like I should just live in the top drawer of his nightstand....for free of course.
IT'S FRIDAY. So quit being a pussy, get out of bed, and come help me drink these 40s. That's not a request.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
you said "how could you not want to hook up with me when I have these abs" and then proceeded to rip your shirt off in the middle of the bar. I'm pretty sure you were hammered.
JESUS
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
If you end up wanting to sit on his face, just make a sound like a dying giraffe and I'll make myself scarce.
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
Coming straight to your house after the flight. If not in Federal Prison for disobeying peanut laws.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
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