The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
Fingerblasting some girl on the deck tryna get her to fuck on a lifeboat
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
I feel like every young boy's first wet dream is too have sex with the Pink Ranger. I am now fulfilling that dream for one man. I am a hero.
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
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