White coat. Heels.
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I'm sure that's not what the inventers of the Turkey baster had in mind, but that's what I had in mine.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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