Wow so 15 missed calls, a vm AND a text saying come downstairs? ...And where is downstairs? Explain.
I wonder if i passed any courses from last semester
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Did you have ill-advised lesbian sex on the deathbed of their relationship?
Of course. Go big or go home.
You're my fucking queen.
It's 1:26 and I have already found 5 fruit flies between 3 separate glasses of wine. This is supposed to be a summer problem. Fucking global warming.
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Randomize
