either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
There's an australian, my relationship has no hope.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
have the fact that the early bird is danced upon by the prettiest strippers be your motivation
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
