dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
I have no idea. He was just running around wearing a horse mask yelling "bumfuck" repeatedly. We figured we'd just let him get it out of his system.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
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