Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
I dont think that drinking by ourselves on a saturday night counts as being "fun alcoholics"
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
Hootey the Owl eats a mean pussy.
Um, OK. WTF?
The guy from the Halloween party. We finally hooked up. Went down in me for 45 mins. Came 4 times.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
Randomize
