every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
The night ended with a lot of tears and everyone singing along to Willenium
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm sorry for not being sorry about whatever shit I did to you when you were annoying and I was drunk. That is all.
She told me she's dating him because his apartment is a block from Taco Bell. I don't know how she's not fat.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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