Last night was a blur. All I remember is jizzing in the squeegee bucket at a gas station.
The look on the soccer mom's face was PRICELESS.
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
When did you hit me on the head with a stool?
I sat on the toilet and peed through my jeans, then I pissed the bed and blamed him...do you think well have a 2nd date?
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
you wouldn't let anybody come in after ten. everybody was standing outside and you just yelled "BEING PUNCTUAL IS IMPORTANT" and slammed the door. i dont think you should be allowed to have parties anymore
it concerns me that i was already that drunk at 10
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Dude she literally licked him. He was covered in cheese and in her high state what else was she gonna do?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
Randomize
