talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
respond to me or i'm telling everyone that you inserted a vodka soaked tampon into your anus
Last night was def like the makeout party episode of full house
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
he said I could live with him because I'm cheaper than a dog and don't need a pet deposit. That and I don't piss on the carpet...
She was drunk breaking up with me. All of my emails to her were coming back with UNSUBSCRIBE as the subject.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
She's in the bathroom. Literally just told me she could make a guy cum using just her words. Not bad for Sunday brunch.
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
