guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
Took his shirt off. Announced he was Jesus. Threw up. Asked me to cuddle him to sleep. And then tried to kiss me. Typical Saturday night.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
