So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
I wonder if the fact that I'm listening to the theme from lion king gives my neighbors the impression that im tripping faceeeee
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Randomize
