Kiss
Puke
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
It's the kinda thing that makes you wanna buy a rainbow flag and fight republicans and kiss girls
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
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