My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
He screamed "Oh boy! Oh boy!" during climax.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
CONGRATS VODKA, YOU WON RHIS TIME..
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
