I just woke up and i'm wearing a cape and it says sup slut on my ass
I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
the girl i fucked last night woke up this morning, disoriented and looked at me, and said "oh, you're hot." and went back to sleep.
I'm drinking vodka out of a coffee pot. and i'm not even mad about it
There is a pube in my fucking eyeball
Just ordered an appetizer sampler to distract the fat chicks so we can escape
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
