i just saw a foot job.
porn is incredible...
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
all i remember was you yelling "look at my little feet" at everyone on the way home from the bar.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
I'm not sure drinking my way through west nile virus is the best idea. Oh well, already committed to that plan.
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Idk man, we spent like 20 mins arguing about the moral ambiguity of fucking in someone else's car
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
Randomize
