Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
What did he say? I couldn't hear him over the sound of how awesome his beard is.
So I just did the math and everything in this room except the computer and my clothes has been in my vagina
Logically he should not be walking around...after that fall he should be in a hospital in a medically induced coma
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I am going to be so excited tomorrow when I find this box of crayons in my purse
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
So i walked around campus drunk and alone last night eating pizza and a lunchable from 7-11. Sat by the flag pole and drank an entire liter of water, took off my shoes to prance around in the fountain, then stepped in dog shit on the way home...barefoot.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
