Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
you pushed her into a kiddie pool and knocked out her front teeth... and you still managed to get laid. what. the. fuck.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Is this girl REALLY making a smoothie in the bathroom right now?
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I wanna go back to school and change my major to psych just to make a case study out of her
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
