I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Haha he was not a poor little guy. If he'd talked to me or something I might feel bad. But since I saw him groping other girls as well as myself there's no sympathy coming from me
He's just picking out the right girl. I do the same thing with fruit. Grope them, squeeze them, smell them. I have to know I'm getting quality fruit.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
I woke up under a house in Key West
Went to the party dressed like a Cougar and brought a twenty something dressed as Micheal Phelps home. So far I’m loving being divorced. :-)
Randomize
