she cant drink. allergic to alcohol.
ewwww. she might as well have a dick.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I'll tell you what, we couldn't have asked for better binge-drinking weather.
Dude you picked up her Chihuahua and threatened to kill it yelling "it's not cinco de mayo, bitches"
I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE. I WILL STOP HOOKING UP WITH GUYS EX'S FOR REVENGE.
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
