They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The worst part of it is that he's not the first man I've fucked with 2+ chihuahua's.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
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