using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
YOU CHEATED ON ME WITH THE WOMAN THAT IS STAYING AT YOUR HOUSE. FORGIVE ME IF IM NOT THINKING YOUR A DEDICATED BOYFRIEND.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
