'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
Fuck I think I want to but I don't think I should. Caught between should and wanting.
just follow your vagina
Quote of the day.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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