New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
stayed up to watch the sunrise..saw an albino taking shots on the quad..it's like there's a whole new world of people out there just waiting to meet us
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I need a priest, doctor, and therapist after this weekend.
You came walking in the backyard at 10am, in cowboy boots, a new shirt, and had no money,....we lost you for 15 hours....i think you just need a camera crew, or an assistant. IMPRESSED!
Or I could hide in your trunk so you can sneak out of putt putt for sex breaks
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
I took a vibrator for a weekend with my parents instead of a boyfriend. I obviously have my life together.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
