i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
I'm still not sure how to feel about the fact that we had a threesome with a guy the same age as my dad
Your life is a soap opera of great sex, cats, and booze.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
He took off all my clothes, fingered me, than said "would you be more comfortable if I was naked too?"
Randomize
