Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Having sex with him is like eating mayo. Don't think about it, just do it. It's worth it.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
Randomize
