Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
My class coordinator for bio told us that the only thing we should do the night before an exam is to get laid. And then party down after the exam. I like him.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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