you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just tried to pee in a pad to see if it was like a diaper. it's not.
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
I told him not to mix beer with his Dr. Pepper...his reply was "i'm a grown ass man i'll do what i want". Judging by the sounds coming out of the bathroom he regrets not listening to me.
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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