PS - I'm in bed with an 18 yr old-am I a cougar?
No - puma.
You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
It's official drugs can't kill me
Yeah... I still gave her a hug because I felt really bad though. I mentioned that my boyfriends grandma just died too, just to reinforce that I'm straight afterwards.
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
He thought I was gay. I had to explain I just really like wearing flannel.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
