Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
I told my therapist about the other night and he actually whistled and said "wow that is not good."
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
