Funny, I didnt know that facebook statuses were for crappy song lyrics
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
I had to help you off the toilet floor because you couldn't get up, then you threw your drink on the floor and just said "oh dear" really calmly.
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
It happened again.
What?
I lost in a drinking contest with my 84 year old grandmother. Two years in a row now.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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