i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
his genitalia just looks like a thumbs up. a really really small thumbs up.
ARE YOU GOING TO SACRIFICE YOUR LIFE FOR MCDONALDS HASHRBOWNS
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
I just found your "it's drinking time" note in my chem notes. Why did this never happen??
I was waiting for you to find it...I'll be over in 5
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