never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'm gonna fuck that sweet little pussy of yours into absolute submission
Wow. Sorry. As soon as I sent that I felt inappropriate. But yes. Bring a sandwich after. Lol
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
