Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
Also, just woke up in a Romney tank and sequin flag panties. Merica.
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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