cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
As we were fooling around he told me he was conceived on this bed like it would turn me on.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
50% drunk capacity currently
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
Got drunkdialed by my estranged mom while wallowing in pinkeye drinking 100 proof eating ramen alone. Year summed up perfectly.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
Ah Christ I think I've reached the single life mentality 100%. I just inquired a photographer about a photo shoot with my dog.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
I WANNA... wait, will you kinkshame me?
Nah.
I WANNA KNOW WHAT HE SMELLS LIKE
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