Buhtt sex?
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
New bet. First person to fuck their girlfriend and narrate the whole thing in Morgan freemans voice wins. You are disqualified if she asks you about. My girlfriend is on her rag. U have the headstart. Your move...
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
I was grinding on my boss last night. So Monday will be fun. That's what's going on in my life right now.
He woke up from being passed out on the couch mumbled something that sounded like "Taco" then proceeded to the bathroom only to pass out again, I think we need to learn how to party like him!
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
Randomize
