Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
We're using joints as your birthday candles
Do you have any pics of the gummy penis incident?
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
hey if my parents say thanks for the meatballs just go with it ill explain later
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
