theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
you definitely made a grilled cheese using your iron..
ya and it worked didnt it??
just had an encounter with drunk people from out of state at dairy queen. they wanted to stay till march to see the high school play.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
this is a reminder to untag myself in the picture of me flashing the photographer in the morning.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
God he's so convenient, drugs, an parties all in one person. He's like the Walmart of delinquency.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
But if I live with you I'll help pay rent. Only if you promise no 50 shades of what the fuck internet hookups
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
this bedazzled flask is my best investment yet
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