Can i not drive my cunt home
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
So wait. Let me get this straight lol... you... are are considering offering fetish services to "trample and own" someone for $80 in order to pay for someone to come organize ur shit? Pure genius.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
