I never thought that I'd hear someone utter the words, "I need another studded belt." I was wrong.
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
Just scratched my head and I basically rained glitter.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
Side piece definitely knows about my GF. Said it was sexy when I go commando, then left me pantsless in the club bathroom
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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