Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
yeah seriously, fuck school. I'm changing my master's thesis question from "what are the neuropsychological correlates of antisocial personality" to "will my cat drink this beer"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
why do all the dudes in this porno look like billy ray cyrus
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
He broke through his window then signed his name on the biggest peice of glass from it. I think they framed it and named it 'best party ever'
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
