I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
Based on his face I'm positive he has a beautiful penis.
He told us a story about a time his 80 year old uncle karate chopped a dick in a glory hole.
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