the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
Apparently he doesn't remember leaving the bar
If I spent $100 at the bar and didn't get laid I wouldn't want to remember anything either
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Have you ever had one of those moments when you kept whispering to yourself "I'm not a slut, I'm not a slut..."?
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
I should not be so motivated by a penis, but I am
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
she crossed my comfort zone...i thought i was a freak
said the guy with a pink sex swing...
soo... how was my night?
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