Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
i swear i just dislocated a hip staying still
Who put the fucking tampon in my Mike's hard lemonade?
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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