thanks for being my friend even though im irresponsible with my vagina
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
U can be a future sentaor's wife if you want. I'm happy with "closet lesbian", "tech prof".and "masters degree" all rolled into one. Drunken bar escapades pay off.
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
I seriously just rolled a joint on my high school diploma. I feel like I've come so far.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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