What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
How would one go about tricking someone into chugging an entire bottle of tequila?
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I have tasted many bathrooms
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Remember that time we were together? Yeah, I don't miss that.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
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