WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
Idk he's just laying there passed out with a French fry up his nose and without any pants on. Boner and everything.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
so today, i decided to say "fuck it" to mental stability, take a klonopin and wear a blanket toga. New Girl is on Netflix, nothing could go wrong.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
