its a sex-hate relationship...no love involved
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
Just remembered that I got laid thanks to my glow in the dark Batman belt buckle. Need to wear it more often.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Was just at a stoplight and some kid was smoking a blunt and we smiled at him and he offered to pass it between cars... Only in Rockford
Randomize
