Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
I don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'Yeah, that's a good idea.'
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
