i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
I cannot even describe to you the most amazing ass I have ever had the pleasure of seeing walk up the stairs in front of me just now.
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
If I was a guy I'd keep a condom in my pocket, in my wallet, in my backpack, in my car, in my shoe, behind my fucking ear
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
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