I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
whose ass print is on the piano?
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
I need a pedicure
You need to go to planned parenthood
Getting high with your mom, but thinking of you!
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
Randomize
