my throat hurts so bad i feel like i just gave head to a cactus.
you scanned your fake to get into the dorm last night and when the lady told you it was the wrong card you looked at her and said this is who i am thursday night
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
I'm sports announcer narrating myself making a sandwich. Your weed wins.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I got a hand job after work. Remember those? From the 90s...
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
