the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
i am going to show so many millionaires my nipple
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
I always enjoy the bewildered gaze as I buy chips, salsa and beer @ 0745.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
I just realized that at some point last night I told someone I would only be friends with 16% of them because the other 84% stole my people's land
doctors was a success... no liver damage and I lost five pounds.. we're celebrating tonight you get the whiskey I'll get the burritos.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
