I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
I just think that exercising will really get in the way of my painkiller induced nap time rituals. There's gotta be a better way.
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
I feel like I should go door-to-door apologizing to America.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Randomize