I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Vaginas are confusing as hell with all their secret compartments and shit.
I'll get my vaginal cartography poster.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
You were too drunk yesterday to deal with me crying so I am too drunk to deal with logic.
I swear man, you fly across the country to give a boy your virginity and he suddenly thinks you like him
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I made it 1 week... 5 business days at my new job before sleeping with my coworker.
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
Randomize