fuck, i think i'm broken. Alchyhol air mattress = the suck.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
It was like if Side-show Bob had a vagina for a mouth
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
you made them have somersault races with you thru the lobby..
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
That's the 3rd time I've gone home with her and she passed out on me. I poured 6 boxes of cereal on her and left
The only thing I had in my freezer before today was patron and cheese.
i dont know the whole gay terminator look is really hot on him
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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