I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
Randomize
