so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
Wow, I just woke up in this conference with the woman beside me staring at me. This is what happens when hungover people sit in warm rooms...
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
my brother has friends over and I can hear one of them screaming from the basement "BREATHE. FILL YOUR LUNGS. LIVE YOUR LIFE." and it sounds like he's doing some motivational speaking down there but that's actually just how he encourages ppl to take bong hits
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
