you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
You swear the intervention is for her? I've fallen for that one twice.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
we're going to drop off one of our cars at the police station tonight so we'll be able to drive home in the morning
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Oh my god the guy at DQ just gave me the number 69 and winked at me
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
When we became besties with benefits we agreed I could still get dick
I didn't think I'd have to specify "not my Dad"
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