I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
It can't be easy when an alcoholic Russian is screaming to the entire dorm "he no get hard"
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