no, i dont want the owner to like me bc i dedazzled my vagina
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So apparently having sex with your co-worker in the bathroom at the staff party can get you fired.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
