Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
I need a straight guy to pretend to be my boyfriend for 30 minutes so that I can pull off an act of petty vengeance. Interested?
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
