weak ass sauce last night. waste of time. you suck. ps. your boobs are fake
sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
He gave a passionate hug to every tree on the way to my car.
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
I will pre answer that I did not see it the fun way. He was peeing outside.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
All I wanted was a couple of orgasms before work, is that too much to ask?!
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Can you come over?
Sex??
Sure but there’s also a squirrel in my garage I need you to take care of.
Randomize
