one two three fourrrrnication!
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Out of all the things I've put my penis in, this seems the most unfortunate.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
There's no winning that game with me. It's either "Can I walk home at the end of the night," or "am I throwing up trying to sleep in the front yard." Rules are irrelevant.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Many a woman has been in tears over the passing of my penis' whorish ways.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
