he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
At the ER. John needs stiches. Fuck pub trivia nights.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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