I made out with four boys last night, AND EXCUSE ME WHILE I COUNT HOW MANY GIRLS.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
Drunk tip #47: Its better to overestimate how many plastic bottles itll take to urinate in, rather then underestimate.
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Also day 6: dick is healed and ready to go back to work.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize