tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
My costume is made up of 4 inch heels and a firefighter costume I'm borrowing from the dramatic play area of my Pre-K classroom. I told you I could still be slutty on a teacher's salary.
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Yea we just broke up
so do we start sexting now or later?
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
so you 69ed him in the parking lot of your apartment
yah I won't allow him in my apartment
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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