so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
Turns out he's just a recently divorced IT guy. Not a wizard.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
