I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
I just read the lonely terrorist on nwa had 40 more friends than me on facebook
im goin to the NYE party with a tuxedo painted on my body. i know a girl who does it. wanna join?
They're donating plasma together for extra money. Couple of the fucking century.
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Next time you have him paint you an outfit so you can do you walk the street naked TAKE A SHOWER BEFORE YOU GET IN THE BED. MY sheets look like like an acid trip
She's Jesus crazy. And one if not more other forms of crazy. She's 2.5+ crazy.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
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