Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
When I finally got there you were bleeding all over and you just kept saying over and over that the dog was your only friend at the party.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
I consider walking to the bars and dancing my exercise and I buy doubles so my drinks r heavier so that's my arm workout
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