They keep asking what you are doing. I told them to quit calling her "what."
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
Man i fell asleep on a random persons porch on the way home and woke up to the family banging on the windows trying to wake me up
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Randomize
