its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
she gave me her number and i just said "no. cant."
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
I need water and some morals
Randomize
