At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
Woke up with my face in a bowl of cereal. This is tequila's way of saying fuck you.
Single person behavior: I wanted a cookie but was too lazy to make or go buy any, so I let cookie dough ice cream melt and ate all the chunks. Pantsless.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Randomize
