I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
He sent me a website link to GIF on Snapchat. I don’t think he understands how Social Media works.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
