i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
Why did this happen to me why did I have to meet him if I could go back in time I never would have grabbed his dick
I'll have to start mass sending dong pics to get the recognition I deserve
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
I want you to know. From the bottom of my heart, that you are a great friend, a beautiful person, and one of my favorite people in this world. But if you ever send me that many messages again at 4am I swear to God, I will push you in from of a fast running rhino
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
