There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
I think I just sat on my labia. Can I borrow some scotch tape?
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
What's the tour de bar? Is that a thing, or is it just what you call Saturdays?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
