I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
When did we start counting Thursdays as weekends?
When we got our fake ids in grade 11, why?
I just feel like it's time to start counting wednesdays as well...
I queefed so loud it echoed.
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
just give up on your dreams and come get shit house drunk with me.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
Randomize
