In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Beverly Hills, 90210. Cleveland Browns, 0.
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I cagt a turtle and named him squirt. He's in my bathtub Caleb is feeding me peaches! This is the most beautiful vodka Thursday ever!
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
Incoming: this is a booty call. To accept, please reply with an appropriate time. To reject, please reply "N" and the information will be filed for future reference.
God I hope the gutter I die in is nice. You know, for a gutter.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
How was the tequila? Are you making bad decisions yet?
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
