Most awkward sex ever...
And im texting you in the middle.
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
PS Can you transmit a UTI to a sexual partner? I tried to ask, but the doctor just told me to abstain (sup Bristol) for my own good w/o answering
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Idk. I woke up marinating in beer on my beanbag. Idk what you mightve done.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
Randomize
