I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
Need a ride. Apparently screaming about the bartender's erectile dysfunction gets you kicked out.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
She told me I was only the second guy she slept with. I told her she was only my second Megan.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
I think my body is a cloud. This mixture of things is heavenly. Dare was wrong, drugs are awesome.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Randomize
