You American Chicks are so confusing....1 day you are on my nuts next day you be trippin
Dude its not just American chicks...a small penis is the same in every language
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
