if we break up, who will get the dealer?
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
i asked my neighbor to open a bottle of vodka once and then we slept together
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
For future reference: bathtub full of cheeseburgers = win.
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