FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Yaaaayyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy! It has more than one y so my intentions to sleep with you after the drink special ends are clear
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
