She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
I tried...failed..now im naked on the futon since clothes are hard.
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
We're going to get naked and build a fort instead. HAPPY NEW YEAR!
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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