...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
He tried to carry her to her room after she passed out, but when he picked her up she came back to, saw him, screamed rape and pulled out her vuvuzela app and blasting it like a rape whistle.
he said that he wanted to outsmoke the rain, I don't know what that means but I'm gonna go help him
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
So unmotivated today.
Who am I kidding. So unmotivated this decade.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Randomize
