Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
I understand Curling. That high.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
Yeah play it cool maybe put in a kissy face though let him know you're giving an invitation for his dick
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You challenged a dog groomer that she couldn't cut human hair ... How's the shaved head
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